so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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