I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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