i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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