Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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