you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
