Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
