i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My penis needs a shock collar
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
my penis made a compromise with my morals
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
