So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
