And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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