by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize