Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
