i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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