Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
