oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She bit a glass in half.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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