i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
