I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She needs sedatives and a leash
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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