she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
