she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
