sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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