so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
