Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
