You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.