before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.