We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize