I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money