If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.