Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.