Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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