Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.