so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I touched a dick in church today
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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