am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
