he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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