Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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