She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
