sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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