it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
