Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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