i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
