she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
