Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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