no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
