i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
