it's like iHOP with fire
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
