woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
