As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
