I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
