I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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