He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
