i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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