You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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