And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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