I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
