1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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