did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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