Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
