It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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