some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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