he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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