We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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