Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Come see our sink grown plant.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
