genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
