mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I want a musical about memes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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