Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
