So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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